Blog-a-thon Day 17

It is 6:15 AM!!!! I am perched at the table with my laptop and a cup of Fog Tea (green variety grown in the fog.) Kyle is working on his breakfast dessert. Massive quantities of grapes! He is dining "french" style... at a leisurely pace with multiple courses, one after another, on different plates.

I should not be up this early. I should not be at my computer this early. Oh wait, let's back up. Kyle should not have gotten up at 4:44 AM this morning... needing me right away. I should not have had to be needed right away by my 28 year old son. I should not have been unloading my dishwasher at 5:20 AM, having already helped Kyle with his morning routine and gotten him 100% ready for 7:20 pick up by that time (minus breakfast). I should not be serving a hot breakfast at 5:50 AM and the kitchen should not be so clean at this hour. It is too early for all of this. I should be in bed, under the covers waking up at my leisure!

Phew! I think the attack is over now.

There is much to be grateful for.

In a perverse way, I like being up really early (ok, sometimes.) I enjoy the feeling of getting a head start on the day. Unloading the dishwasher helps wake me up. I know "normal" people use coffee for that. It's great not to have to rush Kyle. Sometimes, it is hectic and rushed trying to get him ready for his pick up. Not today. He gets to linger over his grapes and enjoy them and I get the blog posted early. The clean, orderly kitchen feels really good... no chaos to walk past for the rest of the day. I had time to brew a cup of tea and enjoy it. Yes, brew- no tea bags today. I know I will make it to my 8 AM yoga class because I am already dressed and ready. I am healthy and strong and willing to be needed by my son.

There are advantages to this life after all. Maybe it's all about ATTITUDE.

PS I "should" spend more time proof reading this blog post. But, I'm not going to.

Blog-a-thon Day 16

It's been a couple of years since "Breathe" came out. I'm happy to announce it  will soon be released in E-book format. At a recent conference, I met parents who said it really made a difference for them and they continue to open it to random pages when they need a lift.  Just knowing that, gives ME a lift.

What's it about? Here's the Introduction.

Welcome to Breathe!

If you are the parent of a child with autism, perhaps you have searched long and hard for that one thing, the quick fix, the magic answer, only to discover it does not exist. Or, maybe you are just beginning this journey and are feeling scared, lost, or overwhelmed. You may feel as if you barely have a moment to catch your breath in the whirlwind of life that is autism. Weary or depleted, you might be in need of some well-deserved nourishment. In the form of stories and oxygen-rich tools born of my own journey with autism, Breathe is that source of nourishment.

Through Breathe, I am whispering directly into your ear, because I have a heart and soul connection with you. We are walking on parallel paths, taking journeys that ask very special and unique things of us. We are challenged daily by loving and living with children who are not easy. Our lives are packed with obstacles sometimes too large to surmount. In many ways, the obstacles on our path ARE the path.

At the same time, these stories and tools are equally valuable to those who do not have a loved one with autism. Autism becomes a metaphor for the unexpected life challenges we all face, in one form or another.

Why Breathe? Last year, I watched my son, Kyle, who is deeply affected by autism, calm himself in the emergency room with his breath. Instinctively, he seemed to know what to do. I realized, perhaps I need look only as far as my son for one of life's magic answers. (See "Zen" for the full story.)

Breathing is, indeed, very powerful, when we use it fully. Unfortunately, when we are stressed, agitated, or overwhelmed, our breath tends to be short and shallow. We use only a tiny fraction of our lung capacity to nourish ourselves with life's fuel -- oxygen.

Breathing deeply is my prescription for creating enhanced feelings of well being. I've found it helps me regroup and calm down. Breathing often serves as an automatic attitude adjuster. I stop for a moment and take five deep breaths. By breath number five, a shift -- albeit tiny -- has usually taken place. Then, rather than react to Kyle, I often am better able to guide him. We both benefit.

Life with autism asks some hard questions. I share my stories so I can hold your hand as we explore those questions together. Through my personal experiences, I am delighted to present some powerful, life-tested tools. These are my special elixirs that continue to help me thrive, rather than merely survive my lifelong journey with my son, Kyle. These tools fill my It's All About Attitude toolbox. They refill my personal well. They help make loving and living well with autism real.

There are no quick fixes for your child in Breathe. These stories and oxygen-rich tools do have the power to help you see your child and your life through a different lens. Ultimately, they may help you heal. As you heal, your child benefits, because you are better equipped to support and nurture him or her, as well as your entire family.

Just as the breath oxygenates our cells, these oxygen-rich tools have the power to create a ripple effect in your life, transforming your attitude and your journey, one micro-movement at a time. If you stand back, you are likely to notice a tiny shift in your personal landscape.

So, I invite you to indulge yourself. You are definitely worth it. I have heard from so many there just isn't the time. I'm with you, and I hear you! That's why each oxygen-rich tool takes five minutes or less. I have provided one tool for each week of the year, or to play with whenever the spirit moves you. Move at your own pace, but start.

How you live your days is how you live your life. It all starts with breathing. How long has it been since you've taken a long, deep breath?

Love, live well, and enjoy!

Oxygen-Rich Tool

On your mark, get set, BREATHE. Stop "doing" for a moment. Take five deep breaths. Focus on breathing more slowly and deeply. Repeat as often as needed. Refills for this prescription are unlimited, and ideally, habit-forming.

Blog-a-thon Day 15

Just this. And then, just this. And then, just this. That was the message in yoga class this morning. Was it possible to be in the moment without thinking about the plan for the rest of the day, the rest of the class, the next yoga posture, the other half of this yoga posture, the next painful minute in this pose?

I found it challenging to practice inhabiting the moment rather than the future, to convince my busy mind to be less of a planner and more of a be-er.

I miss a lot when I am elsewhere. This morning I missed a lot while getting Kyle ready for his day because I was concerned about getting all the things done with him to get him out the door on time which would then allow me to get ready on time, especially today because my friend was coming to yoga with me for the first time. And on and on it goes. I had good reasons for not being in the moment, didn't I?

And then it was hard to be in "just this" during class because I was thinking about my friend and whether or not she was doing ok with some of the poses. And what was the rest of my day going to look like? I had so many things to do today but didn't really have a plan. Why was I moving on to the rest of my day when my physical body was doing yoga anyway? Why would my mind want to miss out on this nurturing "me" time in yoga class?  My teacher continued to remind us about coming back to just this.  I kept working on it, and redirecting myself back to the moment.  

Homework assignment:  Spend 15 minutes at home in "just this". Try flowing from one moment to the next doing or being without a plan for the next minute and the next and the next?  What would I do if my mind had no plan? Where would 15 minutes of moments lead?

I was inclined to put this off until another day but decided to be a "good" student and get my homework done right away. I set the timer for 15 minutes and without planning,  I found myself at the refrigerator with the container of strawberries in my hand. Hmmm, they looked so good and the sun was shining so I took a few out to the pool and sat in the sun to enjoy them. I felt self indulgent doing this in the middle of the morning. I should be unloading the dishwasher while eating these.  I should be ... should be... blah blah blah. Oh yeah, "just this" right now.  I had to redirect my mind a few times and then the phone rang. I did not plan on having a phone conversation as part of my 15 minute homework assignment but such is life. It was important and I gave my full attention to the caller without thinking about my strawberries... at least not too much, anyway.

Fifteen minutes went by really quickly. The strawberries were great and I moved forward on a project for Kyle by talking to the caller. I found my planner mind to be a little resistant to "just this" but was glad I hung in there and played along.

Just this will take a lifetime of practice but is always available. I just need to remember.

JUST THIS