Dang, he was handsome in that red tie and dark blue suit. Dress shoes, dress socks, dress belt... he had the complete look going on. My son Kyle. He went to his first formal dance last Friday night.

When the flyer came around I didn't give it much notice. Blue and Silver Formal Dinner and Dance. It was a dance for special people who don't often get to go to things like that. Last year, the flyer went right into the trash. Kyle was in crisis mode and it was not an option. A knee jerk reaction on my part is often "not for Kyle". It's taken me years to evolve from this perspective and I am still a work in progress. Sometimes it's more a matter of not for me WITH Kyle, than not for Kyle.

The Blue and Silver formal was for people with special needs so of course it could be for Kyle. I still didn't respond right away to the flyer. Not really sure why.

The flyer came around a second time, just before the deadline to turn in $15 per person. A nudge. I decided to sign up. Kyle already had the suit. It was the one we had bought for Rachel's wedding. He never got to go to Rachel's wedding because of crisis mode. The suit hung waiting in the closet for the Blue and Silver Formal Dinner and Dance.

Friday evening....

I knew Kyle would not be able to wait that long to eat dinner and also guessed that there wouldn't be much, if anything, he could eat there. He had an early dinner at home (with no complaints on his part) which eased some potential anxiety for him and for me. Being proactive is always a good thing.

Tammy (Kyle's friend/home therapist) and I both went to share the evening with him. It was at a local hotel. Kyle had only been in two situations like this (weddings) in his entire life and both were a very long time ago.

Walking into the hotel, I felt relaxed. This was a social situation where Kyle could be himself and it was ok. We did not have to worry about his sounds or behavior. He was with his people. Maybe that sounds unpolitically correct or exclusive (vs inclusive), but there is something to it. Being at an event where people are judging him and I have expectations or hopes for him to be a certain way, perhaps quiet, is stressful. It doesn't mean we don't or shouldn't do it. It's good for Kyle to learn how to blend and control the volume of his voice and energy in his body. It both challenges him and expands his world. But it is also hard work for him. And hard work for us as well. Friday night he could be Kyle, enjoy himself in his way, and it was all good. Truly all good.

Music, formal tables, dance floor, buffet, decorations, colored flashing lights. It was a lot to process. Kyle was a little apprehensive going in to this new situation. His friend Tiffany was already there. She told me she came so that he would feel less anxious. She's a sweet girl in his program who has taken a liking to him. They are buddies. Having a peer for a buddy is a first for Kyle.

Just sitting at a formal table with all the glass and silverware was a challenge for Kyle. It was hard for him to stay seated with music playing so he was on the dance floor before anyone else. And it was ok. Nice. Music speaks to Kyle's soul. He feels it and has to move. It was a relaxed atmosphere and he could get up when he wanted.

After dinner, the festivities really began. The DJ's pumped up the volume and people hit the dance floor. Sometimes it was too crowded for Kyle and he danced his way around the tables. Angelica (his 1:1 assistant from the program) was there too. For some of the time, I sat back and watched Kyle out on the floor with Angelica and Tiffany dancing amongst the crowd. The music was cranked up and Kyle was grooving to the beat.

Softening my focus, I became aware of the group... adults with all types of special needs, support people, and even administrators from Aires, the company that sponsored the dance. Everyone was dancing, smiling, having fun on a Friday night. Even the administrators were interacting with,  supporting and dancing with individuals. Beautiful moments. Something that might not be a big deal for many people, was huge that evening. The staff made an extra effort to draw people on to the dance floor. The scene was truly heartwarming.

Although nervous at times, overall, Kyle seemed to be enjoying himself. He is not able to express his feelings fully. Despite my expertise in reading him and making good guesses, I don't really know specifically what was going on for him. I believe he was taking it all in though his exact level of awareness is unknown. It is definitely more than it appears.

Toward the end of the evening, there was a crowning ceremony. Guys and gals made separate lines and each got a round of applause. The male and female with the loudest applause won the crown. Maybe it was the way Kyle owned that suit, or his smooth moves on the floor, or the culmination of a fantastic year of growth, but the applause for Kyle was overwhelming and he took the crown. Kyle was named King of the Blue and Silver Formal. Tiffany earned the Queen's crown and she beamed. Kyle wanted no part of wearing that new and unfamiliar crown on his head but for just a few moments, he was a star nevertheless.

This was an evening to remember. I'm grateful to Aires, the company that runs Kyle's day program, for their fundraising efforts to make this formal dance possible. What a gift to the adults they serve all year.

And I'm grateful for Kyle's journey this past year.... all the moments on his life's path that led up to this special evening. King for the Night.

Comments (2)

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written by Danielle , April 11, 2013

Hi-

I am so glad that Kyle enjoyed himself at the Blue and Silver. We certainly enjoyed his company and boy did he look handsome. We hold the Blue and Silver evrey year to give our guys (and ladies) a chance to "fancy up" and have a night with no stares, comments and no ignorant comments, a chance for them to feel comfortable with themselves and each other. Each year is more special than the previous and we (Aires) enjoy every minute of it. We hope that this is the first of many events that Kyle will be able to attend with us =)

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