Thank you all for your acknowledgement and encouragement to keep posting.

Kyle is back at his program. I am back to some sort of routine, although there isn't really one. And there's still a lot of laundry.

In my life coach training, we are first required to be a client to a peer coach. I had a fantastic experience, full of tremendous insights about myself and the way I show up in my life. These insights led to several powerful shifts. Moving forward helps create momentum and I am still riding the wave I created this past summer.

My first coach was Heidi Gottlieb. We had such a strong connection beginning with the introductory phone call and throughout the twelve coaching sessions, that we have stayed connected as friends. She is an amazing lady and I have decided it was no accident that I ended up with her as my first coach.  As a brain cancer survivor, she is a great example of the healing power of attitude and perserverance. She is now a transformational life coach and has just launched her business.

I am working on some major shifts in my  attitude at this point in time and her blog post Change: It's All About How You Look At Things, really hit home for me. I invite you to take a look. Sometimes all it takes is a little inspiration in the form of a message which speak to you, to send you off  in a slightly new, perhaps more empowered, direction.

"Above all, be the champion of your life, not the victim."

~~Life Coaching Matters.com

I can breathe now. I was not aware I was holding my breath. But somewhere, deep down,  I must have been.

Kyle is still cycling. And I'm not talking about riding a bike. If you have been following this blog for awhile, you are aware of his struggle with debilitating cycles which steal his life, steal his soul. They began at age of 11 which is  almost 19 years ago. We've had control of them for 1-5 years at a time, always thinking we found the magic answer, only to have them reappear.

We are, once again, in search of a new solution. The most recent trial  has been crossed off the list and removed from Kyle's regimen. On to something better. I hope!?!

The last cycle and the one before hung around for a full 16 days. The one he has just recovered from a few hours ago lasted 12 days. I attempt to remain calm and on an even keel, just trying to be there for him as best I can, and at the same time, taking care of myself so my tank doesn't run completely dry. Inevitably however,  there is a place deep within me that goes to the dark side. In this place, I am not breathing fully. Perhaps some of you can relate.

When not in the trenches with Kyle (I am grateful for fantastic helpers!), or trying to figure out what to do about his cycles, or how we are going to implement a restrictive rotation diet to eliminate the long list of foods to which he tested highly sensitive, I have been on the path to become a certified Life Coach.

Since May, I've been a student in ICA (International Coaching Academy) and loving it. Classes take place on the phone and students and teachers call in from all corners of the world. In addition to reading, attending 120 hours of classes, creating original models and tools, and supervised coaching,  I am required to work with peer coaches as a client and work with peers and outside clients as a coach.

Last week I had my first two coaching sessions (as coach) with peers. I am definitely on the right path. Newbie that I am, I felt really great.  Does coaching over the phone work? Amazingly, it really does.

Coaching is a relationship in which clients experience self-awareness and development. In this relationship, clients gain insight into their assumptions, beliefs, and priorities. Clients use those insights to grow. Coaching is based on the belief that people can grow, and they are the ultimately the best judges of how to grow.

What is something that deep down in your heart you have always wanted to do? (Insert your answer)  Are you actively working to make it happen?  (Insert your answer)  As a coach, I would help you with that something. This is a taste of the coaching process.

I will soon be seeking outside clients for practice. Location is no obstacle if we can make our schedules mesh. I work with a client in Malaysia and a coach in England. Time difference doesn't have to be an issue and Skype works very well.

In the midst of the heartache that hangs over our lives in my home, I continue to learn and grow. Some days, I even have a sense that I am thriving. Other days, it feels more like survival. Such is life.

Sigh. I can breathe now.

I was jolted out of my imaginary fleeting bliss by the sound of someone who was suffering. The music and lotion were an attempt at creating calm in the midst of chaos, in the midst of pain. Kyle is cycling. Yet again. Our 13.5 month period of life stability came to an abrupt halt on May 20. We are currently one week into cycle #5 and this one is the most severe I have seen in a  very long time. All the familiar patterns with a few new twists. It's enough to make my soul hurt.

We are in rough  waters and once again, seeking a solution. The solution we thought we had found (Agape vitamin) was only temporary. Just like previous solutions, one day it suddenly stopped working. Kyle struggles right now and has no quality of life. It's about survival. Lest you think I'm being dramatic, a visit to my home would confirm I understate reality.

We have some added challenges in that my husband Neil is recovering from surgery plus an unexpected complication that has made recovery well,... more complicated. It will resolve, but will take time. Fortunately, Neil is a doer and it has been hard to keep him from stepping in to help me out. This is good because I've had a few days of not feeling well myself. We are quite a pair right now.

And then there has been the added complication of Kyle's 1:1 aide who is stuck in the middle between our family, who she so dearly wants to help, and the company who runs Kyle's program. They seem to need her to be there and not here helping me. We had a nice arrangement before where they would allow her to come to the house during the day when he was so severe he could not attend the day program. Now, it has been a pulling teeth situation to get them to spare her for just a few hours. I'm working on that one. People don't quite get it until they get it.

Where is the bright spot?

Three great horned owls have been visiting us regularly for the last few weeks. Often when we are in the pool, one or two or all three of them will show up and sit on our fence. Stoically, they observe us swimming and even seem to speak to us with their screeches. They are really beautiful creatures up close and we have been enjoying their presence on our fence.

With all the life drama, I have not been out to the pool for a while. Last night I peeked out the glass back door and owl #1 was on the fence. In flew owl #2. Dang, those wings are huge. He perched on the fence as if he was keeping an eye on our house. Within a few moments, he moved much closer, sitting on the wall of our raised plant bed. Sooo, close. He observed us looking at him and reacted when he heard Kyle. Running for the camera, we returned to find our owl on the first step of our pool! So THAT'S why the owls have been hanging around here. They're drinking our salt water when we're not looking.

Our owl fluffed himself and drank from the pool. Apparently feeling safe, he sat in there for quite awhile. I stood mesmerized by this amazing creature. For that nano moment, there was nothing else. Just me in awe of a great horned owl in my pool. A sliver of joy buried amongst the plentiful sucky moments of the day.

Calming music, lavender lotion, and my owl guardian angel. Looking for what there was to love about a day. And found it.

PS I am also profoundly grateful for my two wonderful helpers, Tammy and Angelica, who stepped in yesterday  to take care of Kyle. Sometimes it does take a village. I would not have been gazing out my window at that moment if Angelica had not been with Kyle.