What does your heart say?

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What does your heart say?

Written by Gayle Nobel

Wednesday, 20 August 2014 19:16

I am looking for an adult day program for Kyle. None of these programs are great. Most aren't even very good. Many are depressing and make me want to cry in the car after I visit. I've yet to find one that really meets Kyle's needs or my wants.

Kyle was at a program for five years but currently, he's been home for about five months.

While at his previous program, serendipity brought a wonderful 1:1 assistant into Kyle's life. She made his time there meaningful and built a beautiful relationship with him. When I decided to pull him out back in March, she enthusiastically volunteered to exit with him and go wherever he goes from there. Our reason for leaving is complicated so I will simply say, I have no regrets.

I've been in search of just the right place for Kyle. In the meantime, Angelica, his 1:1, works with him out of our home. There are some big things we know he enjoys which makes his life meaningful. He continues to grow and learn in a program custom designed just for him.

~~Our beloved SpoFit gym is a place where Kyle can work out; walking the track, lifting weights, playing basketball and swimming. People know him and greet him by name. He is comfortable there and the environment is accepting of people's differences. Kyle can be Kyle. So nice.

~~Kyle also has a job. He creates boxes of toiletries (with donated and purchased items) for the homeless for Shoebox Ministry. The church he delivers boxes to is one of the collection points. When they found out he was working from home and no longer at a program, they offered him a room in which to assemble the boxes. Again, people know him and greet him by name and thank him for his contribution. It's great that he can make the boxes there too. We are so grateful for this opportunity.

When I visit potential day programs, I ask over and over, "Can he still do these things if he goes here?" And the answer is always no because of distance, or vehicle availability, or cost, or it's just not what they do there. There is always an obstacle. He is expected to conform to what the programs already do. I get that. I really do. But I don't see anything for Kyle in these programs.

Recently, I've been feeling discouraged and wondering if I will ever find the right place. So many programs look like a place where people are just passing time. Kyle doesn't seem to fit anywhere. And even though Angelica would be guiding him, they want to limit or take away the activities we know make Kyle's life meaningful and wonderful.

Last week I was close. We found a program that already went to his gym. I thought that was the magic answer but there were many other things about this program that were a total turn off. Depressing would be a more accurate word. But my mind was telling me to give it a chance. "He needs to be in a program, somewhere. Isn't it time already?"

And then before bed, I asked myself a question that I love to ask clients. "What does your heart say?" The next morning my gut was speaking loud and clear. Apparently heart and gut had a conversation during the night while my mind was occupied with other matters.

Simply put, my gut said "NO." Thanks for the advice, heart and thanks for speaking to me gut. Kyle does not belong there.

In the simplicity of that final answer, I knew what was right. Immediately, I was relieved. I was happy that he was no longer doomed to go to the place I knew in my heart was not for him. I felt like an enormous weight was lifted from my shoulders and I was empowered to move on and imagine an "out of the box" solution for Kyle.

I share this because I believe that often in our need to move forward on something, our mind rationalizes why we should settle for this or that. "It's time. You've been dragging your feet and need to make a decision here. Just do it." But it's often accompanied by a nagging feeling. The mind would like to gloss over that feeling and pretend it's not there. But it is, and I believe if possible, it's a good idea to listen.

On another note, I recently received my diploma from my life coach training and would like to share this very important "win". Despite all the obstacles in my life, I completed a very rigorous program. I am beginning the next chapter of my life by launching my coaching business, The Art of Possibility. (no website just yet)

AND, I am still participating in that outrageous challenge to create 100 coaching conversations. One coaching conversation at a time, I am having a blast in supporting people in creating change in their lives.

In the process, I am leaning into my edge and creating change in my own life. I love challenging clients and supporting them in shifting their perspectives and showing up more powerfully in their lives than ever before.

With each coaching conversation, I see how a single insight has the power to change everything. It's really quite exciting.

That said, WHO DO YOU KNOW WHO WOULD LIKE TO CREATE CHANGE IN THEIR LIVES? I am still setting up complimentary coaching conversations and coach anywhere in the world via Skype. Contact me at This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it

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Spot on!
written by Nesrin Everett , August 25, 2014

What a wonderful post Gayle, it inspires me to keep listening to my heart, even when my ever so rational brain says things like "isn't it about time"...and tries to push me into doing something my heart doesn't want to do. I wholeheartedly acknowledge you for trusting your heart and asking it a question before going to sleep. Hey presto, you woke up with the answer the next day.
Thank you also for bringing this into your coaching. Having experienced your coaching presence, as your client - I can only say that the questions you ask are extraordinarily powerful, and have already helped me to create wonderful beneficial changes. I hope that many more clients get to experience what you do.

Nesrin