My writing muscles have again grown flabby. I hope you've all had a Merry Christmas or Happy Hanukkah. Many blog posts have been written in my mind or scribbled down on scraps of paper without making it to the computer. Now my scribbles seem outdated and irrelevant. I don't know quite where to start.

I will follow the popular wisdom of "begin where you're at".

I wasn't in a very pretty place this morning. I woke up with a knot in my stomach and it seemed the low mood I was in on and off yesterday had the audacity to follow me into the next day. Kyle is in a rough spot, one of his famous cycles. That's right, AGAIN. This time, with a twist. A medication we have been trying which seemed to be making a significant positive difference had to be discontinued because of "the rash". "The rash" is what everyone warned me about when they heard Kyle was taking this drug. Apparently, there is a serious rash associated with this med which warrants stopping the drug immediately. Did he have "the rash" or was it another type of rash. My mind would not rest until the doctor could take a look. In the meantime, we were advised to stop the med right away.

Unfortunately, removing the med abruptly seemed to throw Kyle almost completely off the edge or was that going to be the coarse of this cycle anyway? Disappointment comes into play too because we had great hopes for this medication based on his seemingly positive reaction. Our magic bullet... or maybe not. So many unknowns with no definitive answers. The life of Kyle is such a guessing game.

The knot in my stomach was threatening to take over my entire day. What to do to settle it down? Sit with Kyle and comfort him? This helped him but didn't help me. A cup of tea and the knot became warm, but was still there. How can I create some stillness? (Famous last words from yoga class) Maybe sitting down and writing "the pages" (free flow or mind dump journaling) might help and enable me to focus on what was important for the upcoming doctor visit. Not happening. Just couldn't bring myself to start.

Then I noticed the tissue paper. That's right, tissue paper. A giant gift bag with the word HAPPY written all over it was full of and surrounded by crumpled tissue paper. I confess that this bag has been around since Kyle's birthday on December 2. I soon found myself methodically folding the crinkled paper. The neat stack would then be put away and reused rather than caving in to my first instinct of crumpling it into the trash.

I know it sounds crazy but there was something theraputic about folding the colored tissue paper. Here was something I actually had some control over...ha ha. Folding it unintentionally threw me into the present moment. Completing a small insignificant task turned out to be very satisfying.

Glancing up, I noticed the colored happy circles all over the bag and smiled. I hadn't really caught the significance of their message until that point. Happy? Yes, a little cloud of happy appeared from what seemed to be out of nowhere. Now it was time for me to move forward.

Got tissue paper?

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